Your Body's Return Policy

Thank you for purchasing your male or female body. We hope you're satisfied with your purchase!

Proper maintenance of your body is key to its proper performance and longevity. Here are a few tips to keep your body happy and functioning for a long time:

1. You must fuel your body! Yes, it's true, your body will cease to function properly if you neglect this step. The best fuels for your body are lean proteins, complex carbohydrates including whole grains and unsaturated fats. 
2. Your body must be watered several times a day. You will release the fluids several times a day, which may seem odd at first, but keeping your body happily saturated makes it function at the high levels for which it was designed.
3. Your body loves to move. Take it for walks, runs and periods of energetic play. If you can make your body sweat a few times a week, your body will reward you with strength, flexibility and a nice frame for tailored cloth.
4. Your body also loves a good rest. Be sure to give it enough time to regenerate. Should you not give your body long periods of rest, it will become cranky and irritable. This is not a design flaw.

It's possible that after several years, your body may become bloated and unable to perform the duties for which it was designed. This is most likely to occur if you do not follow the four steps above for proper maintenance. Remember, you can return to proper maintenance at any point as long as you own your body, and reverse the disfunction.

However, should you decide not to follow proper maintenance steps, we must advise you that there is no return policy for this product. For a list of disposal options, please consult your local medical clinics and waste maintenance and dumpster companies. Please note: you will likely not be able to complete the disposal yourself; please assign these tasks to someone close to you, and warn them of the likely obscene expense of the process.

We strongly recommend proper maintenance of your purchase. Really.