I hate it, but I... still hate it.

We have several Tony-isms that we love to repeat but one of our favourites is from the intro to Ab Ripper X, when Tony says: "I hate it, but I love it" as he looks knowingly (evilly?) into the camera.

Well, lately, I've just been hating it. Normally, if I'm not feeling psyched about my workout, I just start it and some time into the thing, my adrenaline kicks in and I start feeling great: pumped, psyched, motivated... Lately, I've noticed that I've just been grumpy all the way through the workout. Even in Kenpo X! Shocking, I know.

This doesn't mean that I haven't been bringing it though. I've just been really pissy while doing so. I still show up. I still press play. Hell, I've even started adding jumps at the end of my Dreya roll (14 of them today!) Who knows what's driving me through these workouts at this point. I'm like a robot: Show up, Press play... Show up, Press play... repeats itself like a mantra in my brain. I think it's Tamsen's voice saying it.

Part of me wonders if I'm not just a bit worn out, overtired, since I have been ramping up my running distance lately (I did a 12-miler after Kenpo X on Sunday). But another part of me just doesn't care. We're reaching the end of our P90X Lean - next week is a recovery week anyway. And then we'll take the following week off from Tony completely. Who knows, maybe I'll even give Maya a visit?! She might be shocked to see how well I'm doing, and it'll definitely be an easier workout.

Pay no attention to me, I'm just grumpy. If you're looking for tasty healthful breakfast suggestions, check out my latest article for Fitfare. And if you like free stuff, don't forget to tune in next week for our cool free Extreme Beach Body giveaway!

Failure, the P90X Way

I've learned a lot about fitness in the past five years - how to eat, how to balance, what works, what doesn't. What has surprised me about P90X is what it's teaching me about failure.

I'm not just talking about pushing to failure, that muscle-tension mantra that we shoot for when we're taking on more weight for our triceps or whatever. I'm also referring to the entire concept of Bloody Hell, I Just Can't Do This. Now, I am no athlete, although I have tried to adopt that mentality; but there are parts of the P90 workout that I just can't do. And I am learning more about my physical self, my mental approach and my spirit from those exercises than I am from the others.

Case in point: there is this ratbastard push-up in the Chest and Back workout called a Dive Bomber. It has some origins in yoga, but essentially it entails scooping your chest low from a Downward Dog through a push-up position, then reversing it. Not just lowering your chest, scooping it, like you're trying to get under a low fence. Push-ups are tough for me anyway, the upper body focus of P90X was what made me click the buy button. But HOLY Mother of Tony Horton, this thing...I can't even pretend to fake it, can't get close to it, can't even whisper to its future self, I Can't Do It.

And I love that.

Mind you, I have had to fake and stumble through many of the sets during this first three weeks. This is no weenie workout, any of it, even the yoga busts my ass. But the Dive Bomber is telling me stories, like:

- I am not where I thought I was physically
- How I frame this is going to shape the entire 90-day result
- The Dive Bomber is the Signpost

The first is self explanatory - I knew I wasn't an Olympian but I have been able to hop in and out of my concept of "fit" pretty easily. Dive Bomber tells me I am nowhere near the true value of the term fit.

The second, the framing part, comes from an incredibly influencial article written by Alan Deutschman (an article he expanded into a book) for Fast Company magazine, called "Change or Die." Essentially, "I can't do Dive Bomber" will inevitably ensure that I won't ever be able to do Dive Bomber. Instead, I change the frame. The new one is "I'm coming after you, DB, and I will not stop until I have you." This is something that Tony Horton and the P90 program promotes from the beginning - "you're not taking a 'before' picture, you're taking a 'goodbye!' picture." Might seem like simple semantics, but baby, that shit matters. Boy, does it matter.

The last? Dive Bomber is the Signpost. Fear is a famous Signpost; avoidance is one too. You know the Signpost - it points the way to the right road, so you follow it. I may not end this 90 days in the best shape of my life, but Dive Bomber, that fabulous slap in my fitness face, will tell me precisely how many miles I have to go, and what direction to take to get there.

So: How I fail now will determine how I succeed later. (Oh, yeah, NOW it makes sense...)

All this being said, I have wanted to post this for days and wish I had posted it every day: I flipped the switch about day 10 - I can't get P90X out of my head. I plan my day around the workout, and slightly obsess about the food program (I had to have an intervention because it's Girl Scout Cookie season. I did not lose the faith, just followed the shiny thing for a bit) and I - seriously - look forward to the workouts, I do. I have a workout partner. He's a hard-driving bastard who won't let me off the hook. I flail all over the place but he keeps me solid. And every day I see him I thank GOD he can't see me.